- These three women were all victims of their husband's infidelity while they were pregnant
- Adele, Rebecca and Deanna struggled with forgiveness before eventually divorcing their adulterous other halves
- Here they tell their heartbreaking stories of deceit and betrayal ents
Hearing her mobile phone ringing, Adele Barkley rushed to answer, worried that the noise might wake her six-week-old son.
However, it soon became clear that a screaming baby was the least of her problems.
‘Calmly, this female voice I didn’t recognise announced: “I’ve been dating your husband for three months. We were together on the night your son was born,” ’ she says.
Adele Barkley (pictured) found out her husband, Paul, had been cheating when their son, Cain, was just six-weeks-old
‘She told me that if I didn’t believe her, I was to check his bank account. Apparently, he’d withdrawn £1,000 two months earlier, when I was pregnant with his child, as a deposit on a flat they were going to rent together as a little love nest.’Share
It was a vicious blow to deliver to any woman, not to mention someone who was hormonal, sleep-deprived and vulnerable, having giving birth only weeks earlier.
Adele, 39, a learning support worker from Doncaster, rang her husband Paul, 40, at work and ordered him home — immediately. He raced back, fearing something was wrong with his wife or son. When she confronted him, he flatly denied it.
‘He laughed in my face and said: “You’re going crackers, you must have post-natal depression,” ’ says Adele. ‘But I reeled off my conversation with his mistress and said: “I’ve got her number here. Shall I call back and put her on loudspeaker?” ’
Adele Barkley and her ex-husband Paul, pictured at their blessing in 2004. Adele found out Paul was cheating when their son was just six-weeks-old
Cornered, Paul confessed all. The woman was someone he’d met on a night out. The pain, Adele says, can best be described as a ‘glass figurine, thrown to the floor and shattering into a thousand pieces’.
Paul was the only man she’d ever loved: as well as Cain, who is now eight, the couple have two older children, a 19-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter. Her life, her trust in men, her future and family would never be the same again.
What makes a man cheat when his wife is pregnant? Surely, there is no greater betrayal. According to the psychologist Robert Rodriguez, author of What’s Your Pregnant Man Thinking?, 10 per cent of fathers-to-be cheat on their partners during pregnancy. Some say they do it because they feel usurped by the impending arrival and fear their position in the family is being undermined.
Adele (pictured) says Paul blamed her for his infidelity with a woman he met on a night out, claiming she had let herself go during her pregnancy
Relate counsellor Denise Knowles, who has counselled many couples — with varied success — through these betrayals, says some men try to excuse these dalliances as an escape from the stress of stepping up to the role of father and family provider.
Many attribute their betrayal to feeling unloved and undesirable as sex is put on the back burner.
Others, Denise says, claim they were driven into the arms of another because they found their wife’s changing body a turn-off.
Adele and Paul, pictured in happier times. Paul lost a huge 12 stone during Adele's pregnancy, finding a new confidence in himself, Adele thinks this may have been the root of his infidelity
Ironically, Adele puts her husband’s infidelity down to his new-found body confidence: around the time she became pregnant, Paul lost an astonishing 12 stone after being overweight for years. He revelled in the attention he was getting from other women.
Adele says: ‘Paul basically accused me of letting myself go and blamed me for making him stray.
‘I’ve been a size 10 all my adult life and always took pride in my appearance, so dealing with the big changes in my body during pregnancy was always hard for me.
‘The curvy woman who stared back at me when I looked in the mirror took a bit of getting used to and made me feel quite vulnerable.
Adele, picutured in 2008 with son, Cain. Adele and Paul have two older children as well, they reunited for the sake of their children in 2007 but eventually split for good in 2013
‘Ashamed though I am to admit it now, in those dark months following my discovery of Paul’s affair, I would look at our son Cain and wonder if he hadn’t happened whether our family would still be complete.’
Adele threw Paul out of the family home shortly after that bombshell phone call in October 2006. He moved in with his mistress, but the relationship foundered after a few months. Then, in December 2007, Paul begged for another chance. Keen to give their marriage another go for the sake of their children, Adele agreed.
But the relationship was never the same again. The husband Adele loved and trusted had gone. They eventually split for good in December 2013.
Adele and Paul, pictured with all three children. Clinical psychologist Roy Shuttleworth says it is not unusual for partners who have been forgiven after an affair to struggle to make the relationship work
‘I should never have forgiven him. I would have spared myself and my children a lot of heartache. There’s simply no forgiving a betrayal like that,’ she says.
When contacted by the Mail, Paul admitted he’d cheated on his wife when she was pregnant, but blamed her for the split.
‘It happened because she was a control freak,’ he said. ‘She wanted to control everything I did.
‘I’m not sorry I cheated because by then we were clutching at straws pretending our marriage would work.
Rebecca Troch, 49 (pictured), had to endure her husband cheating on her not just once, but twice during their relationship
‘We got back together afterwards for the sake of the children, but it couldn’t work because, instead of forgiving and forgetting, every time we argued — which was often — she’d sling insults at me for being unfaithful.’
Clinical psychologist Roy Shuttleworth says it is not unusual for partners who have been forgiven after an affair to struggle to make the relationship work.
‘Whatever desire drove them to create a distance between them and their partner by cheating is often still there,’ he says.
‘So it’s not a huge surprise when they keep sabotaging the relationship with their poor behaviour.’
Rebebba Troch, pictured on her wedding day with Marc, had been touring Europe as a dancer when she became pregnant with her first child, Chloe, 20. Her husband, Marc, had an affair with the dancer covering Rebecca’s maternity leave
The pain of a husband who cheats when you are pregnant is one that Rebecca Troch, 49, had to endure not once, but twice.
Rebecca, from Worcester, had been touring Europe as a dancer when she became pregnant with her first child, Chloe, now 20.
Her husband, Marc, now 52, had an affair with the dancer who was covering Rebecca’s maternity leave. Alarm bells rang when Rebecca noticed he was receiving an unusual number of calls from the stand-in dancer.
Rebecca is pictured here in 1998 with her daughter Chloe, then 4. After Rebecca found out about Marc's infidelity she was so hurt she told him to leave
‘I accused him of having an affair and eventually he admitted it,’ she says. ‘I was so hurt he could have done that to me while I was carrying our baby that I told him to leave.’
Marc went back to Europe, but would travel to Worcester every few weeks to see his daughter.
He told Rebecca repeatedly he was sorry and promised he would never stray again, so, when Chloe was two, she agreed to give their marriage another go.
‘My parents divorced when I was little and have each been married three times, which left me insecure,’ she says.
When Chloe was five, Rebecca became pregnant again (pictured) and gave birth to her son Darcy, now 15
‘I desperately wanted stability for my daughter and didn’t want her to be an only child, so I did everything I could to forget what had happened.’
When Chloe was five, Rebecca was thrilled to give birth to a son, Darcy, now 15, believing she could finally put Marc’s infidelity behind her. They moved to Belgium to run a bar and then, when Darcy was two, decided to live in Spain, where Marc wanted to set up an estate agency.
‘About a week before we were due to leave, I received a call from a woman whose voice I didn’t recognise. She asked: “Is Marc happy with his four children?” ’ says Rebecca.
‘I explained we had just two children, but she said I was seriously mistaken.’
Rebecca (centre) was horrified to find out that Marc (left) had fathered twins that were born just eight months after her son Darcy (pictured as a baby), she realised that Marc had been cheating while she was pregnant
The caller claimed Marc was the father of twin boys, born to a woman who’d worked in the couple’s bar in Belgium a couple of years earlier. The twins were born in July 2000 — eight months after Darcy.
When confronted, Marc insisted the twins were not his, but admitted the woman believed them to be his.
‘The fact he could have fathered these children meant he had been sleeping with this woman while I was pregnant with our son,’ says Rebecca. ‘I felt sick knowing he had done this terrible thing to me again.’
Marc pleaded with Rebecca for her forgiveness and she took him back in. Their marriage continued for another 11 years until they divorced in 2012
Marc pleaded with Rebecca to forgive him and, incredibly, she decided to give him another chance. ‘It sounds weak, but I couldn’t contemplate being a single mother with two young children,’ she says.
‘We’d bought a beautiful four-bedroom villa with a pool on the Costa Blanca and I told myself I would live with what he’d done to me, rather than have nowhere to live and no means of supporting myself.’
However, though she tried to get over it for the sake of her children, Rebecca says her husband’s infidelity cast a shadow over her marriage.
‘I no longer trusted him. Though he was a handsome man, I felt no attraction to him in the bedroom,’ she says. ‘When I looked at him, I felt repulsed and would think: “What sort of weak man sleeps with women when his wife is pregnant?” ’
The marriage limped on for 11 more years until finally, in July 2012, Rebecca told Marc she wanted a divorce.
But there were more shocks in store: Darcy went to stay with his father in Spain for Easter 2013 and returned home excitedly talking about ‘his two brothers’.
‘He told me that a woman and her twin boys had moved into our old house with Marc,’ says Rebecca. ‘He told me they speak fluent Spanish, so they had clearly been living in Spain for a long time.
‘Discovering Marc had been deceiving me all those years, claiming not to be their father, knocked the breath out of me and my legs buckled.
‘I’m not sure how much Darcy has figured out for himself, but one day he will do the maths and realise that his father was sleeping with another woman when he should have been concentrating all his energies on preparing for his birth.
‘He should have been taking care of me — rubbing my back and searching for strange foods to satisfy my cravings — but instead he was having fun with other women.
‘It makes me question just how much he loved me and our unborn babies that he couldn’t put us before his own desires.’
When approached by the Mail, Marc admitted his betrayal: ‘Yes, I cheated on my wife [when she was pregnant] because she didn’t have sex with me,’ he said.
Deanna Williams (pictured) was just six weeks pregnant when she discovered her husband of five months, Robin, was cheating on her
‘We didn’t love each other. I cheated on her and take the blame. We are divorced and that punishment is enough for me.’
Psychologist Roy Shuttleworth believes that men who have affairs while their partners are pregnant are driven by something far deeper than a desire for sex.
He says men and women can be tempted to stray at times when they are making a new commitment to one another, such as getting engaged, married or having a child.
Deanna, pictured in 2008, discovered her husband's betrayal when she read a text on his work phone while he was out of the house
‘The closer we get to someone, the more likely we are to be hurt when we lose them,’ he says.
‘Even when relationships survive, we’re aware that we will eventually be parted by death. So for many it’s a continual, subconscious struggle to avoid that pain, which we do by putting a distance between ourselves and our partners, in some cases through affairs.
‘I’m trying to explain, not excuse, what can be dangerous behaviour.’
Deanna Williams (pictured left in 2008 and right in 2005) called a number on her husband's phone and spoke to a girl of just 17 who claimed she'd been sleeping with Robin
Newlywed Deanna Williams was just six weeks pregnant when she discovered her husband of five months, Robin, was cheating on her. She discovered the betrayal when she read a text on his work mobile when he was out shopping.
‘Robin was a security officer and the message purported to be from a security firm, so I didn’t think he’d mind me looking. It read: “I love you.” ’
Deanna, 37, an events organiser from Nottinghamshire, dialled the number and when a woman answered with the words ‘Hello, honey’, she asked her: ‘Why are you telling my husband you love him?’
When the affair ended Deanna (pictured) tried to forgive her husband and sadly miscarried their baby at 12 weeks, the couple separated a year later
The other woman was a girl of 17, who claimed she’d been sleeping with Robin when he was supposedly working over-time.
‘I was too angry to cry. When he came back from the shop, I threw his phone at him,’ says Deanna.
‘Knowing he had done that when I was carrying our baby — a child he said he wanted — was like a dagger through my heart.’
The affair ended and Deanna tried to forgive Robin for the sake of their unborn child. But more bad news followed: the 12-week scan revealed she had miscarried.
‘I was heartbroken. I’d convinced myself that once he or she came along our marriage would be happy again,’ she says.
Without a baby to look forward to, Deanna began to see what Robin had done as an unforgivable betrayal. After another 12 unhappy months, they separated in February 2006.
When approached by the Mail, Robin denied any wrong-doing. ‘I didn’t cheat on her. It was amicable when we broke up. She took everything, but it was a long time ago,’ he says.
‘She accused me of having an affair with a girl at work, but it was all taken to court and done and dusted there. I don’t have anything to add other than that. I’ve moved on and I think she should, too.’
Seven months after separating from Robin, Deanna met Keith, with whom she has a daughter, Skye, seven.
‘When I was pregnant with Skye, I would interrogate Keith every time he left the house to see his mother or go fishing with his friends,’ she says.
‘Then I’d worry about what he was up to the whole time he was out. Thankfully, he’s a good, supportive man who was understanding about my paranoia. It has gradually dawned on me that I can trust him.’
But as Adele, Rebecca and Deanna all testify, being cheated on by the one person who should be supporting and protecting you on your journey to bring a new life into the world leaves an unhealable scar.
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